Silly Songs With Hetalia
by Keri Kimura
Summary: Songs for all the Hetalia fans out there looking for songfics using anything besides "I'm Sexy and I Know It"! I'm working on writing one for every character. Rated T for mild language and possible darker themes in some songs.
1. Russia: Don't Mess With Me

**Welcome! Yep, I'm doing songfics now. Splendid~! They will mostly be in script form, and I'll work on writing one for every character. These are fun to do (so far)... **

**Anyway, this particular song has a kind of angsty feel, and it will be one of the only songs that do. It's about Russia's childhood and present, and sung by the psychopath himself. I highly recommend you listen to the (dangerously catchy) song first, before you even read on from here. Look up "Don't Mess With Me" on Youtube- or even better, watch "Don't mess with Russia" (a collab of fan art set to the song that inspired me to twist the lyrics around. Creds~!). For those of you in mixed company, there's a crystal-clear "f" word in the real version. If you hear "I've got time to kill", it's best to skip ahead about 4 seconds...**

***NOTE: For all songs- Just because I have characters singing together doesn't mean I'm pairing them. I'll specify when there IS a pairing intended. I also own nothing, except for the altered... ah, whatever, I'll stop talking now.***

Russia- Don't Mess With Me

…

My history you know

- If I remember true

It started in the snow

- As a lonely youth

I made some little friends

(They were all carved of ice)

I never thought it'd end

- But sunflowers sure were nice

But now I'm

All grown up

And I'm as happy as can be

'Cause I know

That someday

You'll all be-coming one with me

You were wrong-

I am strong!

- So now I'll see how hurt you fall

You're all mine-

Step out of line

And Mother Russia'll rule you all

So don't

Mess

With me...

I'll beat you down!

Don't

Mess

With meeee...

Being under Tartar's rule

- Isn't exactly fun

After all the years so cruel

- I was the only one

I remember still the day

When I set my-self free

The skies no longer gray

- I had a strange epiphany

I can't

Be kept down

- I'll persevere it through and through

And I can

Accomplish

Anything I put my noggin to!

You were wrong-

I am strong!

So now I'll see how hurt you fall

You're all fine-

Step out of line

And Mother Russia'll rule you all

So don't

Mess

With me...

I'll hit you down!

Don't

Mess

With meeee...

Oh, wait 'till I get the chance

America, Britain, China, France

-I swing on down the axes

-I won't forget the Axis

Because

I'm

Best in all the wooooooooo

-oooorld!

...

Now I'm

All grown up

And I'm as happy as can be

And I know

That someday

You will all cower before me

You were wrong-

I am strong

- So I can make you hurt and fall

You're all mine-

Step out of line

And soon I will be ruling all

So don't

Mess

With me...

- I'll beat you down!

Don't

Mess

With me...

-I'll hit you down!

Don't

Mess

With me...

-I'll strike you dead!

Don't

Mess

With meeeeeeeeeee...

~KK~


	2. The Axis: Let's Get Down To Business

**Thanks for tuning in! I wrote this one a while ago. I'm pretty sure most people know this, but in case you don't, look up "mulan- I'll make a man out of you lyrics" on Youtube. Yeah, people will try to tell you that's what the song's called, but I know the truth…**

**WHY HAS NO ONE DONE THIS YET? It's PERFECT! Seriously! Sparkly GerIta party~!**

**G is for Germany, J for Japan, and I for Iguanas (or Italy). Sayonara.**

The Axis- Let's Get Down to Business

**G: **Alright, roll call! Japan?

**J: **Present!

**G: **Sehr gut. Italy?

**I: **Sí generale, I'm here too!

**G: **-Und I'm here. Let's get started.

**I: **Yippee…

**G: **Listen up, you two. The next battle is just around the corner. (pacing) I expect no less that 100% from you both today. We are going to train until one of us drops from weakness or heat exhaustion! Do you understand?

**J: **Affirmative… Somehow I don't think this wirr take very rong.

**I: **Don't worry, Japan, I'm sure you'll do fi- Heeeeey!

(drum roll)

**G: **Let's get down to business

To beat the

Allies

-Before we thrust to battle

I must train

You guys

You're the saddest bunch I've ever met

(to Italy) -Und yet you're so darn happy, too…

Mister, I'll

Make a man

Out of you!

…

Fearsome as a tank fleet

Painted black

Und red

-Poised at any signal

To blow off

All their heads!

You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot

-Except Japan, you're sort of cool…

Italy

I'll make a man

Out of you!

…

**J: **Got to run, can't catch my breath

-China wirr not defeat me!

**G: **That jackass Britain can eat my fist!

**I: **This training is really hard

And all the singing makes me hungry!

Why don't we grab some futons and take a rest?

**G: **NIEN!

**(CHOROUS) **(To be a man)

We must be swift as a sub torpedo

(Be a man)

With lots of force und stability

(To be a man)

With discipline und with massive weapons

The Axis powers will taste victory!

…

Time is racing towards us

Until those jerks

Arrive

-Listen to my shouting

Und you might

Survive!

(thinking) _I'm getting worried for_

_This fool in war_

_Und mien hope's almost run through…_

(to Italy) Why can't I

Make a man

Out of you?

**(REPEAT CHOROUS)**

(Be a man)

You did ten pushups und you're not crying?

(Be a man)

Is this all true? Maybe it's a dream-

(He's a man!)

I barely thought I'd be saying this, but

-Well, done, Japan

Und well done,

ITALYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

**ALL:** PASTA!

~KK~


	3. Romano: Right Back Atcha

**A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR: What's up, broskis? This song isn't really long, but once I thought of it, it had to be done. Copy/paste "kirby theme song(english dub)" into your handy dandy Youtube search box (or if you AREN'T a lazy tech wiz, hust look it up). There's an implied curse word or three in THIS version, to stay in character… but who doesn't love Romano? Also, it isn't sung by him. The cool random narrator guy does.**

**Man, this song-writing stuff is hard work! So many ideas, I don't even know where to begin…**

**Well, catch you later! Peace! *hangs up***

**R=Romano N=Narrator C= Canada F=France S=Spain CMO=Canadian Monster Occupation**

Romano- Right Back Atcha

…

**N: **Lovi, lovi: sweet as a to-ma-to

Lovi, lovi, lovi: he's-a Ro-o-man-o!

Don't you think

About it

-He's got maximum SH*T!

Lovi, Lovi, Lovi's the one!

He'll come-a right

-Back atcha!

He'll come-a right

-Back atcha!

Go on, laugh

Give a hoot

-He'll rain down with his fruit!

He'll send it

Right

Back

Atcha for sure! Yeah!

**C: **How can I help you, eh, France bro?

**F: **I need a monster to catch zhat RO-MA-NO!

**C: **Well, that's what we do best at CMO…

**S:** Quit trying to steal him, ESTUPIDO!

…

**N: **Oooh! Lovi, lovi, lovi, kickin' some *ss!

Unlike his fratello, he's got ma-a-jor class!

Don't be fooled by his looks

-'Cause he never reads books!

Lovi!

(Lovi!)

Loviiiiii… (Lovi!)

Yeah, Lovi! (Lovi!)

Lovi, Lovi, Lovi's the ooooone!

(Right back atcha!)

Yeah!

**R:** SUCK MY B*LLS, PUSHOVERS!

~KK~


	4. France and Britain: Different

**I was on a swing set the other day, and I had five songs stuck in my head at the same time. They were all playing back like a Kidzbop commercial. It was a nightmare. I started to think about this song...**

**It's from the Starkid Youtube sensation/play called "A Very Potter Musical". A bunch of people have done collabs with Prussia and Austria for the song, but I thought it would also fit well for these two. Just look up "A Very Potter Musical Act 1 Part 5" on that wonderful site and skip ahead a few minutes to the song at the end (sorry to make you do all this looking-up). Actually, if you're a Harry Potter fan, just watch the whole thing first, starting from the beginning.**

**Then the sequel.**

**I'll wait.**

**B=Britain F=France BOTH=take a wild guess **

**P.S. "Mon ami" is "my friend (male)" in French. France says it mockingly here.**

France and Britain- As Different As Can Be

(IN A MEETING ROOM SOMEWHERE)

**B:** *sigh* Brilliant. Just brilliant. The last thing we all need is another war... I forgot to bring my lunch, and I'm stuck having to work with Pèpe le Pew over there _again_.

**F:** Oh, you zhink _I _like zhis? Are you talking to me, or to your imaginary unicorn zhingies?

**B:** For the fifty-first time, I DON'T have imaginary friends! They're just... not showing themselves! They hate your guts, you-

**F:** Sheesh, calm down, Black Sheep, just thought I'd break ze silence... So, shall we discuss our battle plans now?

**B: **Fine, but say another word, and the silence won't be the only thing that's broken.

**F: **Alright, zhen.

**B: **…

**F: **…

**B: **…

**F: **… So now you're giving me ze cold shoulder, ah? Two can play at zhat game, you know!

**B: **I wasn't giving you the silent treatment! I was just waiting for you to say something!

**F: **But you told me not to say anything! Shows how smart you are!

**B: **WELL, WHATEVER YOU BLOODY HE- *deep breaths* You know, if we're going to get a thing done, we'll have to learn to occupy the same room without strangling each other- whether we like it or not.

**F:** HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF- *le sigh* Errh, I suppose you're right... *stands* Aren't we an odd duo?

(ding!)

**F: **You won't admit you're stupid

**B: -**You won't keep your mouth shut!

**BOTH: **We're quite the daffy duo, you'll agree

**F: **We share a hate for Germans-

**B: **And yet, a feeling burdens...

**BOTH: **We're just about as different

As anyone can be...

…

**B: **You like pirating paintings

And I like pirating seas

**F: **You zhink zhat you should rule ze world

-I like cloaks, mon ami~!

Sipping wine under a gorgeous night sky-

**B: -**I prefer ale and steak-and-kidney pie!

I like books about Detective Sherlock-

**F:** And you have no friends- isn't zhat such a shock?

**BOTH: **Guess it's plain to see

When you look at you and me

-We're different

Different

As can be!

…

**B: ** You're a ninny- a frog, a girl!

I'm the brightest of all...

**F: **I'm ze most beautiful country here

-Just look at my trophy wall~!

**B: **My armies are nothing at which to sneeze-

**F: **You got beat by a co-lo-ny!

**B: **Hey, I wasn't ready, so he doesn't count!

**F: ***pfft***** Your jerkiness is shown in an _astounding_ amount!

**BOTH: **You really must agree

When you look at you and me

-We're different

Different

As can-

**B: **-We'll beat the Axis

And we'll rule the world!

-But you

Must help me on through...

For if our plan succeeds

**F: **-For once!

**B: **Part of that world

Goes to you...

**F: **When I rule ze world

I'll plant roses...

**B: **When I rule the world

I'll have... SCONES!

**(AT THE SAME TIME) **

**F: **And baguettes and chansooooooooooooooon...

**B: **And castles and faeries and marmite and Topshop and bobbies and Bentley and J. Micheal Tatuuum...

**BOTH: **When I rule the

Wooooooorld!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHONHONHONHONHON!

~KK~


	5. Hungary And Austria: You're The Top

**No homework, nothing to do... the product? A re-written Broadway song. Oooookaaaaay.**

**I saw the play a while ago in NY, and this particular song stuck with me. It's time to go to Youtube again, kiddies! Search "Anything Goes (2011 Broadway Revival)- You're The Top". There's a longer version, too, but I didn't feel like writing that much. It gets stuck in your head so easily, yet it's almost impossible to memorize all the lyrics...**

"**Bah dah dah bah dah bah dah dah bah dah hm hm hm hm -FOR GOP!"**

**I like both AusHun (melancholy) and PruHun (funny like ha-ha). They both have their sweet moments... "Eierkuchen" (aye-oh-koo-hun) is a type of Austrian egg cake. Of course. Enjoy! A=Austria H=Hungary BOTH=sound it out**

Hungary and Austria- You're The Top

(in Austria's music/piano room)

**A:** *sitting motionless at piano* Sigh... this sucks. I can't play a single note...

**H: ***pops head in room* Helloo-o? Austriaa? What's wrong? Aren't you going to practice your new song?

**A: **It's that darned Prussia... and those other guys, too. This war is taking a toll on my unique music skills. I feel very sad. Why?

**H:** Hey, cheer up! I can go whup his cowardly ass for you again, if you want. And you can come and bring me sandwiches!

**A:** No, that won't be necessary. *pinches bridge of nose* I just wish he didn't go parading his "awesomeness" around everywhere. It makes me feel like Bach's second in B flat.

**H: **…

**A: **Like crap, Hungary.

**H: **Oh.

**A: **It doesn't matter...

**H: **…

**A: **…

**H: **…Hey.

**A: **What?

**H: **If you think that douchenozzel comes anywhere close to you, you're wrong.

**A:** *looks up* Really?

**H: **Of course! He can't compete at all with your looks! ...Your music! ...Your food! Your...

(lee!)

**H: **I think we're both aware

That in our pair

You're a clearly more musical guy-

When it comes to lyrics, instead of try

I let them lie...

Until they die

-But in these situations

and complications

I hope you won't find my singing dull...

-So if this sonnet

Just ain't your bonnet

At least it'll tell you you're Vunderful!

…

-You're the top

You're a field of soldiers

You're the top

-You're catapults with boulders

… You're a sausage roll

That's got tasty soul

In sauce!

You're a straight-A student, not at all impudent,

Yooou're schoolyard lacrosse!

…

-You're the plan

Of the squadron's captain

You're the pan

With which I'll beat their heads in!

-I'm a broken figurette

And this hair, you bet

-It's a mop!

But if, baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top!

**A:** Your words are like honey

To the ears of a bunny

-I'm only saying, they're so in tune

That with them, and some eierkuchen and prunes

With a spoon...

I'll feel better soon

-Now, I must agree

That with the aid of me

Your song won't sound too bad-

So if I could inticense

Some po-e-tic license

This is what I hope I could add...

*plays piano*...

-You're the top

You're the bass and treble

You're the top

-You're a lively rebel

…You're a twinkling star

As tomatoes are

To Spain!

You're a summer flower, or an April shower

Yooou're -uhm- _not_ insane!

…

-You're the friend

Who loves InuYasha

You defend

Me from that douchehead Prussia

-I'm a washed-up sap

A complete mishap

-Such a bop!

But if, "baby," I'm the bottom, you're the top!

**H: **-You're the top

-You're a violet Maui

You're the top

-You're five-chapter yaoi

… You're a berry cake

That's been rolled to bake

With cream!

You're a pancake cooker-

**A: **You're tea with sugar!

**H: **Yooou're THE GUILLOTINE!

**A: ***gulp*

-You're a rose

Not at all like France's

**H: **You're the pose

Of Atilla's lances

-I'm a background chick

Just a curly hick

-A prop!

But if, baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top!

**A:** -You're the top

You're a William Shakespeare

You're the top

-You're Theresa's birth year

… You're a song, at best

Full of chords and rests

And riffs!

You're a gardener's barrow

You're a-

**H:** Flaming arrow!

**A: **Yooou're Beethoven's fifth!

**H:** -You're the one

With a standing ovation-

**A:** You're the "fun"

That's in "funimation"

-I'm a flimsy sail

Such an epic fail-

**H:** Ka-PLOP!

**A: **But if, baby, I'm the bottom-

**H: **But if, baby, I'm the bottom-

**BOTH: **But if, baby, I'm the botoooooomm...

You're the tooooooooop! *riding on piano which is rolling away*

~KK~


	6. HetaOni: Mad World

**Good eeeeeeevening. Time for another angsty one! That's right- it's HetaOni time!**

**HetaOni, _noun_: A fanmade, Japanese Hetalia YouTube video that is shown in the form of a pixelated RPG game. It is meant to be a horror game (in which the main characters are trapped in a haunted mansion with a ghost-monster thing) in which some characters die and there's battles and stuff. Another fan remade it into an actual game in the English language. You can download this game on deviantART- just look up its (re)maker, "Pianodream" on the site. I'm loving it so far... you have to look it up. SAD.**

**Here's your videos! Lyrics: "Gary Jules – Mad World Lyrics (Donnie Darko Soundtrack)." Inspiration: "HetaOni – Mad World" made by "maruul" (max creds for an awesome collab!). There's no major spoilers in it. Just blood. My version is sung by Italy... a sad HetaOni Italy. Enjoooooyyyyyy. Mwahahahahahahahahaha...**

HetaOni- Mad World

…

All around me there's forbidden places

Hidden houses

Forgotten house-e-es-

On a moutaintop above the countries

Couldn't hear me

Curiosi-i-ty-

-Numb as there's a stinging feeling

Running footsteps

Quiet footste-e-eps-

Color red is washing all my mem'ries

Wooden floorboards

Closing do-o-o-ors

-As the clock is slowly counting

There's no time to let me cry

-We've got to keep together

If we want to keep a-live

-I have to be the savior

Or just watch them all unfurl

-Inside this waking nightmare

It's a very very

… Maaad world

… Maaad world

…

All around me there's a maze of hallways

Maze of darkness

Bleary darkne-e-ess-

Touch a fear that stabs a hole right through me

Sense of being

Getting close-e-er-

Find them first and disappear the second

Cannot reach them

Shouldn't lose the-e-em-

Holy Bible underneath my jacket

Will not give in

-I can't let i-it win

-As the table's slowly turning

There's no time to let me hide

-We've got to work together

If we want to stay a-live

-I have to be the savior

Can't just watch them all unfurl

-Inside this living nightmare

It's a very very

… Maaad world

… Maaad world

… A whole different world here

… Maaad world...

~KK~


	7. Belarus: Reflection

**Hey. Now, THIS song gets me all emotional. When I heard it recently, I immediately thought of Belarus... I think that somewhere beyond all that violent weirdness is a sweet, caring girl who loves her brother (in a normal way). Maaaaaybe.**

**Well, here's your video. Search "Disney's Mulan- Reflection with lyrics" on el YouTube for the song and the original lyrics. Listen *before* you read. It's from Mulan... again... This whole thing is sung by Belarus in my version. I know it's really SUPER short- it's fun size. Have a nice day! I can't thank you all enough for reading and reviewing stuff! "Boh" = "God" in Belorussian**

Belarus- Reflection

…

Look at me

Why can't Russia see I'm a perfect bride?

-But I know I'm his sister

Can it be

That I shouldn't play this part?

… I know there's

Someone underneath all those sharpened knives

-Somewhere, sitting in my heart

…

Who is that girl I see

Glaring straight

Back at me?

Why is my reflection something none

Could love?

How can I cease to hide

Who I am?

-Boh, I've tried

-When will my reflection show

Who I am

Deep inside?

…

When will all the countries know

Who I am

Insiiiiiide?

+KK+


	8. Spain: Can't Take It

**Again, I'm sorry to make you all wait so long for the next song. I've been pretending to work on **_**Good Mornings All Around**_**, and since I'm stuck on one part, I figured I'd update this in the meantime. All credit goes to AshMeowsYaoi for the plot bunny!**

… **No, that's not right. Song… bunny…idea…? Let's just call it a turtle and be done with it. **

**The song is called "Can't Take It" by the All-American Rejects. The normal version of it is on YouTube- "Can't Take It- All-American Rejects," but I used this nice cover of it some guy did as a reference ["Can't Take It (All-American Rejects cover)"]. By the way, this is set in present-day, NOT chibi time. Thank you for your support! Yes, you. Right there. You're great.**

**S = Spain, R = Romano. Translations: **_**Que haces**_** = What are you doing, **_**tomates**_** = tomatoes, **_**mas musica de la guitarra**_** = more guitar music, **_**mi amigo**_** = my friend.**

Spain- I Can't Take It

**S:** *Walks through door into messy house* he-ey turtle friends, I'm- WHAA?! ROMANO! _Que haces_?! Why is my room such a mess?! What's up with the curtains?! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF MY _TOMATES_?!

**R:** Oh boy, bull-bastard's back again. Where the crapola have you been? I'm-a starving here!

**S:** Huh- can't you just cook something for yourself?!

**R:** *BUURP* You're all out of tomatoes. And stop babbling on in questions for a second. Sheesh, you're making me all-a confus-ed.

**S:** Y-you… you can't just… come into my house… wreck the curtains… and eat all my _tomates_… why? Why are you like this all the time? You never have any respect for me!

**R:** Uh-oh…

**S:** And… and you know what?!

**R:** Heeere it comes…

**S: **The only way to express my emotions inside…

**R:** Not THIS-a sh*t again…

**S: ***Pulls out guitar* IS WITH _MAS MUSICA DE LA GUITARRA_!

**R:** *Facepalms* this is gonna take a while.

(strum)

**S:** You were a baby

-I got my half of Italy-y

You wouldn't cle-ean

-Just threw your lazy butt around-

**(CHORUS) **"That's enough!

I can't take it

Your welcome is gone

And I've suffered long

Enough!

(As a parent?)

Well, if you're so strong

You might as well just fight 'em alone…

And I'll watch you go"

…

Through war and pe-eace

-I fought for half of Italy-y

Man, that France and Turkey-!

-You know, you were pretty hard to keep-

**(REPEAT CHOROUS)**

Come back home, can't you stay at home?

I'm your boss, so do what I sa-ay

You come and go, yeah, you come and go

You always wanted everything your wa-a-ay…

…

YOU SAID SPANISH IS STUPID, MAN!-

**(REPEAT CHOROUS)**

-I can't take it

Your welcome's long gone

And I have worked long

Enough!

Don't you get it?

Well, if I'm so wrong

You might as well just leave me alone…

And I'll watch you gooooo…

(end music)

**R:** Yeah, whatever, idiot. I'm outta here to find some real food. *slams door behind him*

**S:** W-well, fine! Go ahead! You're on your own, _mi amigo_!

…

Ah, what the heck am I saying?! ROMANO! WAIT UUUUUUUP!

^KK~


End file.
